I love you
by escalator
Summary: A woman was found dead in Tokyo Central Park.She had all her clothes on and there were no signs of violence except for a bullet hole in the chest.R just to be certain


**Disclaimer:** Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

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I use" " for dialogue and ' ' for thoughts.

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**I love you**

"I'm telling you Setsuna-san something big is going on. I don't think it's simple depression like we had first thought. She doesn't want to spend time with me, she doesn't want to spend time with Hime-chan, she doesn't want us touching her or being close to her, she gets angry when we try to talk to her. She avoids the inners too. She moved to the guest-room, she doesn't eat with us and she won't go anywhere near her easel or violin. It's like she's another person. It can't be just depression."

"…"

"I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"…"

"I doubt it. If she had sensed a new enemy she would talk to us. And I sense nothing wrong through the wind anyway. What if she just doesn't love us anymore?"

"…"

"If you were here to see it you wouldn't say I'm exaggerating."

"…"

"Well can't you use your powers and see if she's having an affair or something?"

"…"

"Yes, I _know_ you're only allowed to use them for senshi business. Forget I ever asked. Just come back quickly okay? Maybe she'll talk to you."

"…"

"Hai, I will. Bye."

Haruka slammed the phone in frustration.

'Shimatta! Why did she have to go to that blasted science convention at the other side of the world? I can't deal with this on my own… And fine, let's say the sea goddess doesn't give a damn about me anymore. Why does she do this to our daughter?'

The tomboy run a hand through her hair.

"I'm going to pick up Hotaru-chan, school's almost over!" she shouted and rushed out of the house. School wouldn't be through for another three hours but she couldn't stay inside any longer. She felt like a caged animal. The wind greeted her with a gentle breeze, as if trying to comfort her. It could not. She hoped that at least her Firefly would be in a better mood than herself.

OOO

"Haruka-papa…" Hotaru looked up at her questioningly, silently begging for a confirmation that all was well again.

"Not yet Hime-chan." she said, her heart aching as she saw a flash of pain in the girl's dark eyes.

'I would give anything to be able to tell her what she wants. But how can I when I don't even know what's wrong? Damn you Michiru! Why won't you talk to me?'

She changed the subject, trying hard to sound cheerful.

"Setsuna-san called today. Says there are some really cool lamps in an antique shop near her hotel."

"Okay."

"She's thinking of buying one for you."

"Okay."

"They're really nice lamps."

"Okay."

Haruka felt desperate.

"_Really_ nice lamps…"

"I'm fine Haruka-papa. Don't worry. Michiru-mama is just going through a phase."

"…"

'Great. Now _she_ is trying to cheer _me_ up!'

OOO

The blonde lay awake on her bed. Normally a certain someone would be next to her, but… She looked at the alarm clock. 03:54.

'So much for sleep tonight.'

She kicked away her blanket and grabbed a change of clothes.

'I might as well watch something on TV.'

Upon exiting the room she noticed a shadow moving and a familiar scent reached her nostrils.

'Michiru? Why are you awake?'

Haruka pasted herself on the doorframe, praying that she would go unnoticed. A confrontation was the last thing she needed. She saw her lover leave the house.

'Where the hell is she going?'

Curiosity took the best of her. She waited a little then walked outside, just in time to see the aqua-haired girl disappear round a corner. The tomboy run after her, temper dangerously rising.

'I swear, if she's seeing someone…'

They ended up in a familiar spot in Tokyo Central Park. Back when they were searching for the talismans they often came to this place; its serenity would remind them of what they were striving to protect and give them strength to continue their search. After the Silence was prevented they had never come back. Until now. Michiru sighed softly. She took something out of her pocket and looked at it for a moment. Then she raised her hand in the air and the object glistened in the moonlight.

"Stop!"

Haruka dashed forward, no longer caring for her cover, and wrestled the gun out of her lover's hand.

"What do you think you are you doing?" she shouted.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" came the cold reply. "Give it back."

"I don't think so. You have some serious explaining to do Michiru."

"There is nothing to explain."

"But I think there is. So start talking. Now."

"It's none of your business."

"Don't you dare give me that crap! You've been acting weird for months now! Did you even care to notice what this whole thing is doing to Hotaru-chan? Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"I have AIDS Haruka! _That's_ what's wrong!"

She froze, her anger forgotten.

"H-how?" she finally stammered.

"Remember when I was at the hospital for an appendectomy and needed a transfusion afterwards? The blood was…" Michiru trailed off. "Do you understand now?" she asked softly.

The blonde shook her head violently, refusing to accept the news.

'It cannot be. IT CANNOT BE!'

"The Princess, maybe she can do something."

"Powerful she may be, but not this powerful. We are only human Haruka. Accept it. There is no cure. Conventional or magical."

"And that means you have to kill yourself? People with AIDS can still live normal lives with their families. There is medication for the illness and science will evolve even more by the time Crystal Tokyo is established. Maybe a cure will be found by then…"

"I might be dead by the time that happens. In the meantime I will not risk the well-being of my family. I do care. That's why I'm doing it. Give me the gun."

"No! There has to be another way!"

"There is no other way. The illness consumes everything. I'll be getting weaker day after day until I can no longer stand, let alone fend for myself, I'll be dreading even the slightest cold for it might prove fatal. I'll be useless to myself and everyone else. And we are famous. Other people will find out sooner or later and papers will throw somersaults at the chance for extra sales. What do you think will happen next? Maybe you can live with my being ill but others won't be so understanding. How do you think they will treat Hotaru-chan? Or Setsuna-san? Or you? I don't want to become a living corpse! And I don't want any of you to suffer because of my illness!"

The tomboy couldn't think of a suitable reply. She had never been good with words and at the moment she hated herself for it.

'And Hotaru-chan? How would I explain?'

The sea goddess sensed her thoughts.

"You don't have to explain. I told her everything before I left the house. She… understood. Can't you at least try to?"

"Maybe I don't want to understand Michiru!"

'I can't let you go' she thought desperately. 'If you are to die…'

"Don't even think of it! You have the whole future in front of you. You have to live. If you can't do it for yourself then do it for Hotaru-chan and the others. Do it for me. Now give me the gun."

"No! I won't let you kill yourself! Not now, not ever!"

"But don't you see? I'm already dead. Even without pulling the trigger it's only a matter of time. I don't want to live like this. I _can't_ live like this. Do not condemn me to such a life! Give me the gun or shoot me, please!"

The girl lowered her head. "I beg of you, if you truly love me, release me. Kill me …"

'NO!'

OOO

Love is selfish they say. Maybe they're right. I don't want to let her go. I don't care how much suffering the illness will bring her in the future. I don't care if our lives become as hell when the press finds out. All I care about is being with her. How can I be so selfish?

Why her? Kami-sama, can't you take me instead?

I'm being selfish again. 'Take me instead so that _I_ will not suffer from her loss. Who cares if _she_ would suffer from mine?'

Something is screaming inside me.

_Selfish bastard you're not worthy of her love you never were_

Will I ever forgive myself if I grant her wish? Can I ever forgive myself if I don't?

Something's running down my face. Tough Uranus crying… Why am I crying?

"Michiru, forgive me… I… I'm sorry…"

I pause to steady my voice.

"I love you."

The gunshot echoes in my ears and time seems to slow down as her body falls to the ground with a small thud.

Yes, I shot her. Wouldn't be much of a story if I hadn't, would it?

She is smiling at last. How I had missed that smile! And how ironic that I got to see it again in such a way. I let go of the gun. Her lips move slightly, forming a single word.

"Arigato…"

Then she dies. Still smiling. I regard her in silence, imprinting that smile in my memory forever.

It isn't fair Michiru. Once again you leave me to indulge into your own world. And once again I cannot follow you. I have to stay back. For our daughter. Our friends. The Princess. Because you asked me to. I've never managed to deny you anything…

I kneel beside her. She seems so peaceful. As if she's not really dead. As if she's merely sleeping. I carefully take her head on my lap, almost fearing that I might somehow disturb her. A lock of aqua hair lies unruly on her cheek. I gently stroke it away, smiling back at her through my tears.

"Now you have what you wanted." I whisper. "I just hope you're happy wherever you are. Rest in peace… my Love."

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**Author's Notes:**

I would like to apologise in case the fic somehow offends anyone. I hope I did the subject justice.

Not really sure if this turned out good or bad. The outer senshi strike me as proud people -though not in a bad way- thus it seemed logical for Michiru to want to die on her own terms. Do you like the story? Do you hate it? Please review.


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